I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
