booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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