i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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