she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
