It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont even know how to be here
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
