Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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