Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
