she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
