i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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