He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
