Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
