if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
