dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
