Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
