She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
