Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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