I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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