Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
