Cold hands, warm shart.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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