i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
