So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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