Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
