Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the day after is always just damage control
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
