HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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