My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
