She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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