you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
