Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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