Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
