my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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