Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Randomize
