The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
