oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
