Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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