he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
