OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
