Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
