You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
