considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
