Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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