i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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