so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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