I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize