Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
