I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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