so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
