i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
