My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
