thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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