Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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