I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
