we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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