Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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