i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
