Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
