She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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