i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize