i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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