Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
