You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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