He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
