We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
