so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize