when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
