well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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