I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
