whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
