you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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