at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
