And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
