My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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