have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
