An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the day after is always just damage control
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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