I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
