have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
